Partners in Crime

Why oh why does it seem that two innocent children, when left individually, can be so well behaved. Yet, together can get into more mischief than a child should ever be able to achieve?? It's not that I intentionally leave my children unattended. The simple fact of the matter is... that no mother can keep a constant eye on her children every second of every minute of every hour of every day (at least not with her sanity intact.) And so in a moment of desperate downtime I sat to chat with a long lost friend on the computer. Four tiny feet tiptoed up the stairs and into Mommy's bathroom (unnoticed as I was engrossed in my much needed friend time.) After what couldn't have been more than 10 minutes, my mommy radar noticed silence (never a good thing with two small children.) So I left the computer to investigate. It was the moment the older child heard my footsteps and I saw him run past me in a blur shouting "Aubrey did it!!" that I knew I was in for some trouble. In an already fragile emotional state, I let out what could only be interpreted as a blood curdling, murderous scream (looking back I see this was an obvious overreaction.) And my childrens' eyes widened in horror as I processed the mess before me. Aubrey is a curious child, but while she loves to open cupboards and "reorganize" things, she hasn't yet mastered the task of unscrewing caps.

This is where her co-conspirator comes into play. In what can only be considered speculation (because I've learned that a 3-year-old can not TELL you what he was thinking when he knowingly committed such behavior) her brother saw her curiosity as an opportunity for learning. "We're not supposed to be getting into mommy's makeup Aubrey, but here, while you're at it, let me show you how much more fun this can be..." Unscrewing the lids to several containers of Bare Minerals powder makeup and tossing the powder freely around my tile bathroom. Shower gel?? Oh that lid comes off too... and if you tip the bottle upside down, this fun gooey sticky stuff comes out... here, let me put some in your hair...

Necessary punishment, stripping of clothes, wiping the floors with a towel and some tears, a hysterical call to my mom who can reassure and calm me like no one else can, bath for the baby, LONG timeout for the one who knew better, and a scream of horror when the final punishment was dealt (Teddy was tossed to the top shelf of the closet, only to be returned for good behavior...)

Round one goes to the kids, those sneaky little partners in crime. But I truly believed that the hell we had been through was teaching at least Brendan that what they had done was wrong. And so we carried on with the rest of our day. Soccer for Brendan, lunch and naptime for all. As I rested my weary mind, I believed (and prayed) that the evening would bring peace. However, it seems, for me, that bad days only get worse.

The children were banished from upstairs (deservedly so) and within full view until I retreated to the den in search of that night's dinner recipe. It only takes minutes to notice silence but these tyrants are quick! I entered the kitchen with a gasp and shouted words I don't even remember. The smell was confusing... Indian food? Mexican food? Italian??? Several bottles of spices (curry, chili powder, Italian seasoning, celery salt, and cardamom to name a FEW) had either been combined or emptied onto the kitchen and pantry floor. A second round of clothes removal and cleanup. Fortunately for me, our Dyson hand-vac sucks wonders and did a tremendous job. UN-fortunately for me, the person who last used it (*ahem* HE shall be unnamed) didn't latch the canister tightly. So as I tapped the side to redistribute the fine powder from the filters, the bottom opened and spilled the contents back onto the floor. I contemplated walking out the front door and never coming back (and in a nanosecond of insanity thought about how wonderful that would be.) Instead I slammed the canister shut extra hard for good measure and sucked it all up a second time. This did not, however, do anything for the fact that the curry was now winning the race for the strongest spice in the mix. My laundry room wreaked of strange Indian food (I don't believe they mix chili powder, celery salt and cardamom into those curry dishes...)

And just in case you were wondering... Bare Minerals makeup does NOT stain tiny white socks, but curry and turmeric do...